It pulls me, tugs at heartstrings – no, soulstrings –hidden so deep inside my being, my truest self, me. With every pull, with every call, the pain increases. Its magnetic pull is just so strong.

How do I answer?

I am scared. I am not worthy. If I answer the call, if I stop and submit, I will be ripped open and I will have no choice but to search and to witness. If I answer the call, I will have to face the blistering dark within. I will be exposed and I will be the lowest of the low. I am terrified.

But I yearn to answer, to submit, to bow, to surrender. My soul pleads with me to give in, to find solace in the bittersweet pain. For it knows and understands far better than I do – this call is not one to be ignored forever. I may run, turn away, refuse, again and again, but I cannot shun and hide for much longer.

The Call is always there, always waiting, that soul-rendering pierce of light, that infinitely welcoming seclusion, that ultimately irresistible source of forgiveness and redemption. It is for me to turn my face in the direction of deep ebony command, to submit my mind and my soul and my heart, to stare deep within and start on the terrifying yet inexpressibly joyous journey through and past myself to the True Radiance.

 

ThinkingFeelingMusingWordsTumblingSpillingStreaming